In addition to the things that Mary Reilly mentioned in the thread, "Breaking Down the Portrait Process" (
http://forum.portraitartist.com/show...&threadid=1553) I now make a point of asking the client, very directly:
"What two things do you like best about your face? What two things do you like least?"
Not only do I find that it helps me see them the way they wish to be seen, but it seems to break down any discomfort that might exist in beginning the portrait painting process.
If I were painting a portrait for my own purposes, I can always decide what I think is most remarkable about a sitter. I have learned, though, that this is not always the sitter's viewpoint. Once I know my client's feelings, it really helps me crystallize what I want as the focal point of my painting, and therefore, how I select pose and lighting. Once decided, all the other painting elements are then set to come into play to support the focal point: placement on the canvas, value scheme, edges and color.