[Steven Sweeney]

I like the "captured moment" aspect of the painting, the look about the subject that she's not thinking about the fact that she's being photographed or painted. That lack of self-consciousness seems to me to be an especially nice quality to depict in a younger subject.

Speaking to a couple of matters raised by other observers, the neck and head stock (into which the tuning machines are fitted) are indeed considerably out of alignment with the instrument body. This can be an extremely tricky aspect of drawing such an item. I've used my grandfather's violin in still-life work, and getting it right -- the curves, the angles, the foreshortening, and that bedeviling scroll -- can be a real test of your eye and your patience. You mentioned reference photos (plural) and that might have contributed to the misalignment, if slightly different views of the mandolin were depicted in the various photos.

In any event, the good news is that, if you're inclined to made modifications, they may not be as difficult as it seems at first glance. I suspect that a number of subtle changes in drawing and lighting would eliminate most of the problem. (It's going to be a lot trickier to describe than to do!)

The head stock is the most detailed and the most work to change, so I'm looking for other possibilities. The first thing is the line of white binding alongside the fretboard, up where the neck joins the headstock. Physically, that line must continue perfectly straight until it joins up with the section on top of the sound body, beyond the joinder of the neck to the body. But if you put a straightedge alongside the higher section of binding, you'll see that it's angled quite steeply down, so that it's actually "aimed" almost as much toward the back of the instrument as toward the front. That's contributing greatly to the appearance of misalignment between the neck and the body, and its correction will likely contribute as greatly to a more accurate representation.

Then, to better align the headstock with the body, look at three areas for slight modifications on the sound body. The round parts of the sound body on either side of the neck joint are called "upper bouts", and the bright white binding on the bottom edge of the far bout is, for one thing, too bright, considering its location in the shadow, but also too bright with respect to the illusion that you're trying to create, that it is receding. Darken that section of binding considerably.

Then in the extreme lower left of the painting, you've tried to follow the curve of the lower bout too far. ("Bout this much too far," I might say, but that would be silly, as well as an insufferable distance to a punchline.) From this perspective, the curve of the binding around the bottom edge of the bout wouldn't be that gentle and full; the turn into the bottom of the instrument would be relatively quite sharp. And the side of the instrument, where it turns into the bottom, wouldn't end in an extended curved surface strongly influence by light, but would end abruptly -- in fact, it would end right at the line where you have the dark shadow meeting the reflected light. And that line will be close to parallel to the neck joint at the top of the body -- right now those two lines diverge considerably, and that's what's making the body twist out of alignment.

Apologies for the tedium of the detail. If you can follow it, though, I think you'll get a lot of effect out of quite small changes.

Lastly, on the mandolin, there's too much light on the back. It's possible that there might be a small bit of reflected light along the binding edge, but the area closer to the girl's body would be in shadow. That too will push that part of the instrument back and up, in the direction of the alignment you're after.

The shirt doesn't trouble me. The color complements the orange-red hair, and the casualness of the style both looks like something this girl would wear and fits in with the "unposed" quality I mentioned earlier. I would have a look at the front edge of the shirt and the area next to the mandolin. The material seems to bulk out here unexplainably (I would have expected to see it inverting into creases and folds), and there's a misalignment in the edge, comparing the point where the shirt meets the bottom of the hand to where it reappears above the wrist.

I suspect that the crown of the head is too prominent. The distance between the bottom of the chin and the top edge of the hair on the crown seems very long. Cover up that dark shadow on the top of the hair, and I think you'll see more of the typical "skull" shape. Of course, if this anatomical feature in fact is correctly depicted with respect to this subject, then that's the way it is.

Lastly, I would slightly darken the background value in front of the face, to increase contrast with the very lighted face and create depth, pulling the figure out of that background a little more.

You've inspired me to get my son to sit down with his new electric guitar and let me make some preliminary sketches and take some photos. Thanks!

Steven