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I am an artist, who will stand against me? Who has devised a test to discredit me?
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Mike,
I am happy to provide the Universal Artist Standardized Achievement Test in order to correctly assess your artistic capacity.
Circle the correct answer:
1. Angle:square :: paint tube:___________.
a. No answer. There can be no answer.
b. Marshmallow Fluff.
c. What are all these dots? Is this, like, math?
2. Art is long, life is ___________.
a. Bourgeois question! I shall not answer!
b. I didn't think art was long, I thought life was long. Are they both long, maybe?
c. Lifelong.
3. How old were you when you first created art?
a. I was born holding a paint brush. My mother was so unhappy.
b. I have been through many lives as an artist. I mean, like, I was reincarnated over and over again, you know? So 'old' kind of has no meaning to me.
c. I am still in a high chair.
4. What best describes your artistic philosophy?
a. No man is an island in a winter of discontent.
b. Oh, that's enough talk about me. So, what do YOU think of my work?
c. I despise this kind of weak parody. Please get new Moderators for this Forum.
5. How would you describe your work?
a. Significant. Very, very significant.
b. We will be happy to contact you at our convienience as soon as our busy schedule permits us to leave the studio. We like to speak of ourselves in third person plural to imply that there are a lot of us in the studio luxuriating in art sale proceeds.
c. Words! Mere words are useless.
Optional Essay:
If you had to be either a canvas or a stretcher bar, which would you rather be? Discuss and compare.
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