Linda, the truth is it's hard to know what small things you might do to make this better. And you can tell from the others' remarks that it IS the small things we are all discussing.
These are the tough things as well. You know my thoughts about gaining your information from direct observation (life). I pause before tossing you any pat answer from a drawer of answers. Had you been able to stare at the subject alongside your work you might have found only one brightest highlight on the nose, maybe the placement of the left eye could be moved 1/8", maybe the overall "light" side of the face would be a value richer/deeper (darker) so as to allow you room for more form in the light area. These from my poor vantage are only guesses. The better you get, the harder it is to get valid, helpful input.
Tim
One thing I think I can say, is about shapes and placement. Cropping on the (face) shadow side of the work might help you. I don't like that the shape behind the head is the same width as the head.
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