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I know it is hard . . . to watch all of the unseasoned pros do somersaults
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Beth, this reminded me of a poignant short story read so long ago that I can only paraphrase it, but somersaults [cartwheels, actually] were used as metaphor to describe the difficult times a young girl had endured. "The secret to doing cartwheels," she said, "Is to get your feet back under you before you fall on your [butt]".
We're just the "spotters" here, trying to help you get that rhythm, so that you'll be able to land on your feet. You're working hard, and if you continue to do so, you'll get there. If you want to do this painting, for any of the reasons you've given, then by all means do so and give it all you've got. Just having been made aware of some of the inherent challenges will at least allow you to make better-informed choices about how to proceed.
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