The piece is rendered beautifully and I envy you the accomplishment of capturing these guys at this age. I'm struggling to get my 13-year-old into a nice portrait before he turns 21 on me, which I think is going to happen next week, judging by events of the past one.
Your light and darks are subtle but certainly there, and you've astutely kept that distinction all the way up into the forms of the hair.
I'm not a stickler about the "tooth" issue but in this case, that's the only thing that I would suggest reconsidering, in two respects, both relating primarily to the guy on the viewer's right. I'd suggest getting a kneaded eraser in there (if you haven't applied fixative) and lifting out a lot of those dark outlines around each tooth. Secondly, treat the bottom row of teeth as an overall form, which is going to darken considerably as it moves back into the mouth, rather than appear bright and defined all the way out to the corners of the mouth. (If a flash photo has illuminated those back teeth, try squinting down at it to "lose" that effect.)
One last look makes me want to suggest toning down the neck on the boy on our right -- it looks "flash" bright and is incongruous with its being surrounded by the turtleneck and heavy sweater collar. You may need to tone down the jawline and chin on the shadow side, too, so that the newly-darkened neck doesn't get "tonally separated" from the head.
Being able to draw this well puts you in excellent stead for just about any kind of work, in any medium. I see from your website that you already know that. Do check out the Greytak site for fun.
Steven
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